Date:	2009-08-02 13:23
Subject:	Random Memory: July 3, 2001
Security:	Public
Mood:	thoughtful

We drove down to Los Angeles on my seventeenth birthday, in my grandfather Vaughn's VW van, to bury my grandmother Sydell. The CD playing on my walkman was Vitamin C's self-titled album featuring the song Graduation (Friends Forever). I think that was the only CD I listened to during that eight hour drive. For some reason, that song popped into my head this morning in the shower. Don't know why.

Date:	2008-06-02 12:19
Subject:	A Benefit of Mistification
Security:	Public
Mood:	flirty

When do the "benefits" part of "friends with benefits" start/end? You're hanging out, and you flip a switch? You say, ok now we begin? Because if the idea about FWB is that your friendship doesn't change, so there's no PDA, no holding hands, no romantic outings (unless that happened while you were just friends, too). But since you have recognized the sexual attraction, is flirting allowed? Is the idea that since there's no committement, it could end at any moment, but is there a frequency you're allowed to request a booty call? And is it expected that every time you hang out as friends it devolves into sex? Or does that occur on separate occasions? What are the rules, exactly?

Date:	2005-12-07 00:22
Subject:	Pissing Me Off
Security:	Public
Mood:	moody

I love my a cappella group, but there's something right now that's really bugging me. Soloist auditions. Right now there's one female solo audition that will happen in about a week, and I know there are three voices that will sound good on it, me and two other girls (Sari and Risa, and the fact that both of their names are really close to mine is funny, but just coincidence, we also have a Stacey/Traci and Jon/John/Jim/Jonah which out of a fifteen person group is really funny). Sari's going though this whole guilt tripping thing "I'm not gonna try out, I don't like trying out for things I think I'm good on, it makes me seem pretentious" but frankly, we all know she's gonna try out because she does sound good, and it's really pissy of her to do the whole drama queen thing. I just don't want her to get the solo because ppl feel sorry for her. Especially since I really want the solo. We have voices that are surprisingly similar, the only difference being hers is more edgy, so it just depends on what kind of sound our group wants. I just hate the poliitcs and the psychology game she's playing. Literally, I heard her say "I hate trying out for things I know I'm gonna get." How pretentious. And her best friend's the musical director, and she was all doe-eyed, saying "please, Sari, try out!" Having the MD on her side is a bad thing, since she holds a lot of sway. Grrrrrr. Politics.
All I know is I need a solo.
I've had the most solos of anyone in my group, but the problem is I'm always second choice. I always get it the 2nd semester we sing a song, after the previous soloist has graduated, but that means we'll never sing it at our annual concert, so I've never sung a solo at our big concert (except for freshman year, but that doesn't count because no one attended, not even my parents, just Gavin C. :). So I really want a solo. Sari's a sophmore, she can take over after I leave for all I care. Her soloist career can wait.

Date:	2005-12-06 20:42
Subject:	First Snow
Security:	Public
Mood:	touched

Last night was amazing. I was working on my table for Furniture Design, and stopped working, exhausted from standing up for 6 hours, at around 3:30am. As I walked to the door, I saw that it was snowing - not little flurries that tickle you every once in a while when they land on your face and melt as they hit the ground - and there was already an inch covering everything. Walking across the empty parking lot, I was the only one around, and the snow drifted, peacefully and quietly. It was like I was on a remote plain, acres of snow and white-tipped trees, and nothing else. My footsteps left black melted prints, the only disturbance on this white expanse. Beholding my snow-covered car was another surprise. I have never driven through snow, and most of my snowy experiences really come from skiing adventures - we travel to a far-off, mysterious place with snow, and enter a world completely foreign to us Californians, who live in perpetual summer - and I haven't ever thought of it really affecting my normal life, like my car, which has also always (until this year) stayed in California. As I brushed the white down from my windows, my gloved hands caught the snow, soft and powdery, perfect for snowballs. I was warm enough, leaning against my car, watching the snow fall, and I wish I could have stayed in that magical instance forever. I felt like the first human, like no one had ever experienced snow before, like it was there just for me, to help me relax, and remind me that some things in life are absolutely wonderful.

Date:	2005-11-30 17:14
Subject:	Cold Cold Cold Cold
Security:	Public
Mood:	chipper

First snow flurries yesterday. It was really pretty. Of course, that also means that it's getting really cold! Break out the scarves and gloves, which is sad, because I got a nice tan in Puerto Vallarta this week. Too much fun. But it's a quickly fading memory, more fairytale than anything, completely foreign to the world I am in now.

Date:	2005-11-29 18:12
Subject:	Morality
Security:	Public
Mood:	in a stoic calm

Why do I never have fun?
Disdain for those who do, if I think it hurts them. Why should I care, why should it influence how I see them, that they waste their life away having fun? Is that even possible? Or do they have fun at the expense of others?
To me, it seems like they drink to get away from the problems of life, which they have because they drink...how is this a solution?

Some have said I stand on a pedestal, the pure image of moral superiority, unable to join my peers in the ups and downs of daily life going on below me.

It is true, I do not involve myself in the going-ons of my peers. I am aloof, but not because I do not wish to partake in their happiness. I just find their activities so foreign, and I cannot relate to them, as much as I want to.

My happiness is also foreign to them. When happy, I become as if a young child, unaware of the tedium or stress, not caring about a thing called "grown-up." I run through the grass, I climb rocks and smell flowers, I bury myself in pillows and stuffed animals. I am free, I suppose, of the mindless daily tasks always occupying my mind. And yet even in my happiness, I am not like my peers. I still cannot relate.

I don't really think I'm an eagle, though. It is interesting, though, that of the four elements(earth, air, fire, water), I consider myself air... able to travel beyond all borders, experience anything and everything... so perhaps it fits.
In a way, I am feeling utterly exposed, so being calm and impassive seems inevitable. It is how I deal.

Date:	2005-06-26 21:13
Subject:	hello.
Security:	Public
Mood:	calm
Music:	the chirping of the birds outside

Here I am. Why? That is an iteresting question. I am not an avid journal writer. That which I write is usually too personal to post online.

You scored as Eagle. You are the Eagle. People respect you and for good reason. You are a creative person who likes to do things abstractly. You tend to be a healer, either with yourself or with others. </td> Eagle 92% Deer 83% Ram 83% Salmon 83% Crow 75% Dragon 67% Fox 67% Wolf 67% Bear 58% Dog 58% Stag 50% Horse 42% Bull 33% Snake 25% Which animal totem best suits you? created with QuizFarm.com